For your Maker is your husband – the Lord Almighty is His name – the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth – Isaiah 54:5

A woman who has passed the age of thirty without being married or having children is seen as an oddity. In some segments of the Jamaican culture, such a woman is considered to be a mule, someone worthless, someone who has failed. Such a woman is often pitied and ridiculed by other women who have ‘achieved’ the status of motherhood. This position and status is earnestly sought after whether or not they are married, whether or not they have the support system in place which creates a conducive atmosphere for childbearing and childrearing. These factors are considered secondary, and often they are prepared for the enormous responsibilities of parenthood. In their eyes, ‘getting a youth’ is the ultimate prize, one that is to be attained at all costs.

I have had my fair share of ridicule and rejection because of my stance of husband first, children after. I remember talking to a young man from the community on one of my frequent visits home. He made the usual enquiry, ‘yuh nuh have no kids yet?’ to which I responded in the negative. At my response, he turned his face away and smiled, but not before I saw the smirk in his eyes. In another instance, I was approached by a coworker – who claimed to be a Christian – who suggested that since I was getting old, I should consider having a child out of wedlock and then ask God to forgive me. I flatly rejected that suggestion. I remained undaunted. I decided that I would stand for what I believed in, and nothing would make me change my mind.

I decided to take the road less travelled and have realised that the price to pay is not an easy one. There have been many times when my faith has wavered, and I doubt that God will come through for me in this area of my life. My pastor has often said that the thing that you want the most I the thing you wait the longest for. You pray and pray and don’t see the answer. But God has a purpose in the wait. He is building character and patience in us. As we wait upon Him He renews our strength, allowing us to run and not become weary and to walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31).

After waiting for many years, I began to get frustrated. I felt that I had waited long enough and that God should have come through for me already. Most of my former classmates from primary school and high school were now parents or grandparents, and yet, here I was, with not even one foot on the ladder towards marriage and parenthood. I sometimes felt like a failure. Though I had achieved much in other areas of my life, that area remained stubborn and would not budge. The desire to be married became almost an obsession. I was so focused on it that at times I could think of nothing else. I was consumed with the thought of getting married, and it had become an idol in my life. I had to lay it down and repent, asking God to forgive me and let His will for my life be done. And I had to do so several times, as ever so often the frustration and anxiety got the better of me.

Even in my frustration, I kept on serving and honouring God. Along the way, he would always send words of encouragement which refreshed my weary spirit and helped me to carry on. To those looking on, everything seemed ok, but inside I was questioning God and asking why I had to wait so long. It seemed like everyone else was getting married except me. I wondered what cardinal sin I had committed why I was caught in this trap.

These were the thoughts in my heart as I headed for training one Saturday morning. I had volunteered to be a counsellor at Fun in the Son, a Christian outreach event, and was required to spend a day in training. I found it strange, but interesting, that there was a scheduled message toward the end of the training session. As I listened to the speaker, I was convicted. The title of the message was ‘Change Your Focus ’, and I knew that was God’s word for me in my current situation. I was overly focused on the issue at hand instead of fixing my eyes on Him. I was encouraged and challenged to focus less on my situation and more on God, allowing Him to work things out in His time and in His way. As the Word says, he makes all things beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Stay tuned for Part 3!

What has life been like for you as a single, Christian woman. Let’s talk below in the comments.